Is anyone hiring for a remote job and looking for an apathetic, lazy, depressed candidate? - r/boston (2024)

Sure, but despite it sounding like a free-for-all, it isn't.

If someone hits you up during your workday, you have to be ready to answer in a reasonable time or you'll get fired eventually. That means you're chained to your house for a large chunk of the day most days.

If you say f*ck it and travel to a different time zone, you have to be really careful that you don't get caught; a lot of apps will give up the fact that you're in a different time zone. You can't plan ahead to so something with other people/friends in the event you get a meeting invite or something during that time. Lunch is usually ok, unless you have a dick coworker (like I do) that loves to schedule noon meetings when you and he have all morning and afternoon free.

That daily routine can drag you down further, giving you more money and less motivation, because you're drained from NOT doing anything. Having worked an in-office job where nothing of value was getting done it just drains you.

One job, rough daily schedule at the end:

  • 10:00 arrival; check email and see if someone is actually expecting real work today, maybe later because "traffic was awful today"
  • 10:30 hit on-site gym for an hour with a friend
  • 11:30 check email and browse internet, might be some small amount of work or someone has a question I need to answer in person
  • 12:00 lunch
  • 2:00 check email and browse internet, might be some small amount of work or someone has a question I need to answer in person
  • 2:30 visit with various teams in other parts of the building
  • 3:00 check email and browse internet, by now someone needs something
  • 3:30 use stairs to leave building to avoid front entrance/elevator to take a walk through the woods
  • 4:30 check email and browse internet
  • 5:00 take convoluted path through building to remote restroom that nobody uses, take 30 minute dump; you're in there too long if the lights turn off
  • 5:30 check if boss left; if he's gone, I'm gone
  • 6:30-6:45 get home wiped and feeling like I've accomplished nothing

Next job, rough daily schedule at the end:

  • 9:30 arrival, check email; maybe later because "trains were delayed" but in reality there is a great breakfast place a few blocks out of the way
  • 10:00 ask the other guy if he has anything to do, he doesn't; browse internet; person nominally in charge stops in
  • 10:15 make up something to discuss with coworker in the conference room, make it look like we're busy
  • 11:00 person nominally in charge has external meetings, tells us he'll be back late afternoon or not at all, start playing console games on emulator in break room
  • 12:00 lunch
  • 1:00 back to console games
  • 4:00 go back to work/looking busy if necessary
  • 5:00 leave for the train
  • 6:15 get home wiped and feeling like I've accomplished nothing; maybe later because the trains are actually delayed

Pro-tip: if accomplishing nothing really doesn't bother you'll want it look like you're busy.

Schedule real-sounding meetings with co-conspirators and set the location as "find a room." Big companies will have huddle spaces or small non-bookable rooms for ad-hoc meetings, so it's believable.

Bring a lunchbox even if you don't have lunch; leave it at your desk someplace visible, not in the fridge. It will seem less like you're at lunch for two hours because you've got a lunch. You should be seen eating from the lunchbox.

If it gets cold in the winter and you're leaving for a two-hour lunch, leave your jacket on your chair and brave the cold. People will assume you're in the building if your jacket is in the building.

If your hours are somewhat flexible, you can try to shift your schedule, but it's a risky move. If you have a boss that comes in early and leaves late they're going to know exactly when you're there. If they come in at 9:00 reliably and they'll let you get there at 5:00 and you're up for it, do that. If they'll let you get there at 11:00, do that. If your boss is 11-7, you're 5-1. If your boss is 5-1, you're 11-7. If you're boss is a 5a-7p workaholic, you're f*cked.

Pay attention to the boss's habits - when they show up, when they leave, when they have lunch, do they take a jacket, where do they park, which way they walk to catch a train, which way do they walk to get to conference rooms, which bathroom do they use, when are they at their desk, etc. You want to be at your desk looking productive when they're most likely to see you at your desk.

If you're taking long dumps, use a bathroom in a different department, ideally one you can access without a bunch of people seeing you. Some people seem to recognize shoes so if your kicks are visible under the stall door, it might get noticed, especially if you're using a bathroom with a lot of people you overlap with daily.

Know the exits and learn the best ways out. This is just good fire safety as well. It's best if the same person doesn't see when you left AND when you came back. You don't want to walk past a busy conference room, either. I had to walk down stairs, across the building, up an elevator to the top floor, then back down stairs to avoid being noticed.

If you get a say in your cubicle pick someplace out of the way. It's just cozier anyway and less likely someone will see that you're on reddit when you're at your desk.

Is anyone hiring for a remote job and looking for an apathetic, lazy, depressed candidate? - r/boston (2024)
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